What Happened to You?: Conversations on Trauma, Resilience, and Healing
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- Type：Epub+TxT+PDF+Mobi
- Create Date：2021-07-11 06:51:00
- Update Date：2025-09-06
- Status：finish
- Author：Bruce D. Perry
- ISBN：1250260655
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Summary
"Through this lens we can build a renewed sense of personal self-worth and ultimately recalibrate our responses to circumstances， situations， and relationships。 It is， in other words， the key to reshaping our very lives。”
―Oprah Winfrey
This book is going to change the way you see your life。
Have you ever wondered "Why did I do that？" or "Why can't I just control my behavior？" Others may judge our reactions and think， "What's wrong with that person？" When questioning our emotions， it's easy to place the blame on ourselves; holding ourselves and those around us to an impossible standard。 It's time we started asking a different question。
Through deeply personal conversations， Oprah Winfrey and renowned brain and trauma expert Dr。 Bruce Perry offer a groundbreaking and profound shift from asking “What’s wrong with you？” to “What happened to you？” Our earliest experiences shape our lives far down the road， and What Happened to You？ provides powerful scientific and emotional insights into the behavioral patterns so many of us struggle to understand。
Here， Winfrey shares stories from her own past， understanding through experience the vulnerability that comes from facing trauma and adversity at a young age。 Joining forces with Dr。 Perry， one of the world’s leading experts on childhood and brain development， Winfrey and Dr。 Perry marry the power of storytelling with science to better understand and overcome the effects of our pasts。
In conversation throughout the book， the two focus on understanding people， behavior， and ourselves。 It’s a subtle but profound shift in our approach to trauma， and it’s one that allows us to understand our pasts in order to clear a path to our future―opening the door to resilience and healing in a proven， powerful way。
―Oprah Winfrey
This book is going to change the way you see your life。
Have you ever wondered "Why did I do that？" or "Why can't I just control my behavior？" Others may judge our reactions and think， "What's wrong with that person？" When questioning our emotions， it's easy to place the blame on ourselves; holding ourselves and those around us to an impossible standard。 It's time we started asking a different question。
Through deeply personal conversations， Oprah Winfrey and renowned brain and trauma expert Dr。 Bruce Perry offer a groundbreaking and profound shift from asking “What’s wrong with you？” to “What happened to you？” Our earliest experiences shape our lives far down the road， and What Happened to You？ provides powerful scientific and emotional insights into the behavioral patterns so many of us struggle to understand。
Here， Winfrey shares stories from her own past， understanding through experience the vulnerability that comes from facing trauma and adversity at a young age。 Joining forces with Dr。 Perry， one of the world’s leading experts on childhood and brain development， Winfrey and Dr。 Perry marry the power of storytelling with science to better understand and overcome the effects of our pasts。
In conversation throughout the book， the two focus on understanding people， behavior， and ourselves。 It’s a subtle but profound shift in our approach to trauma， and it’s one that allows us to understand our pasts in order to clear a path to our future―opening the door to resilience and healing in a proven， powerful way。
Reviews
Dewey Dykes
，
Easy to follow and accessible discussion on the neuroscience of trauma。 Written for a much wider audience than other books on trauma like The Body Keeps the Score， which makes it a great spot to start if someone is interested in learning more on the subject。 Also maybe one to consider getting the audiobook of because of the highly conversational format that they use。
Mara Vernon
，
An exceptional listen。 The book is a conversation so listening to this content felt like I was in a conversation with Dr。 Perry and Oprah。 Excellent balance of narrative stories， and the science to explain the stories。 Really important read。 “Our major finding is that your history of relational health—your connectedness to family， community， and culture—is more predictive of your mental health than your history of adversity （see Figure 8）。 This is similar to the findings of other researchers loo An exceptional listen。 The book is a conversation so listening to this content felt like I was in a conversation with Dr。 Perry and Oprah。 Excellent balance of narrative stories， and the science to explain the stories。 Really important read。 “Our major finding is that your history of relational health—your connectedness to family， community， and culture—is more predictive of your mental health than your history of adversity （see Figure 8）。 This is similar to the findings of other researchers looking at the power of positive relationships on health。 Connectedness has the power to counterbalance adversity。” Bruce D。 Perry MD PhD"In order to communicate rationally and successfully with anyone， you have to make sure they're regulated。 Make sure they feel a relationship with you。 And， only then try to reason with them。" Dr。 Bruce D。 Perry MD PhD“The pillars of traditional healing were 1） connection to clan and the natural world; 2） regulating rhythm through dance， drumming， and song; 3） a set of beliefs， values， and stories that brought meaning to even senseless， random trauma; and 4） on occasion， natural hallucinogens or other plant-derived substances used to facilitate healing with the guidance of a healer or elder。 It is not surprising that today’s best practices in trauma treatment are basically versions of these four things。” Oprah Winfrey 。。。more
Vikki
，
I'm so glad I read this。 Everyone should。 Helps to understand yourself and how you relate to others also。 Excellent explanation of brain science and trauma， and relatable stories to help understand Dr。 Perry's concepts。 Oprah provided honest accounts of her own childhood trauma and her healing。 I'm so glad I read this。 Everyone should。 Helps to understand yourself and how you relate to others also。 Excellent explanation of brain science and trauma， and relatable stories to help understand Dr。 Perry's concepts。 Oprah provided honest accounts of her own childhood trauma and her healing。 。。。more
Amy Oechsner
，
I think I'll give it 5 stars just for the last sentence。Because what I know for sure is that everything that has happened to you was also happening for you。 And all that time， in all of those moments， you were building strength。 Strength times strength times strength equals power。 What happened to you can be your power。 — I think I'll give it 5 stars just for the last sentence。Because what I know for sure is that everything that has happened to you was also happening for you。 And all that time， in all of those moments， you were building strength。 Strength times strength times strength equals power。 What happened to you can be your power。 — 。。。more
Betty
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Such a great book！ Changed my perspective on a lot。
Trevor Limberg
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I think I would give this book a 4。5/5！ I really appreciated how accessible Dr。 Perry made neurological concepts， and Opera's contributions were good to have in the midst of application。 At times， I wish some whole chapters were by Dr。 Perry， and others were by Opera， as their conversational approach sometimes disrupted the flow of things。 However， the concept of this book is needed， and professionally done！ I think I would give this book a 4。5/5！ I really appreciated how accessible Dr。 Perry made neurological concepts， and Opera's contributions were good to have in the midst of application。 At times， I wish some whole chapters were by Dr。 Perry， and others were by Opera， as their conversational approach sometimes disrupted the flow of things。 However， the concept of this book is needed， and professionally done！ 。。。more
Maureen Pollock
，
This book offers excellent insight for those who have experienced complex childhood trauma and developmental adversity。 Also， it it is an excellent read for anyone interested in cultivating a trauma-informed community。 It is my hope that， we， as a society have the desire and opportunity to learn in-depth about these topics in order to provide empathy and understanding to one another。 We are all interconnected and it is to our betterment to cultivate a society that supports healing， resilience， a This book offers excellent insight for those who have experienced complex childhood trauma and developmental adversity。 Also， it it is an excellent read for anyone interested in cultivating a trauma-informed community。 It is my hope that， we， as a society have the desire and opportunity to learn in-depth about these topics in order to provide empathy and understanding to one another。 We are all interconnected and it is to our betterment to cultivate a society that supports healing， resilience， and a sense of belonging。 。。。more
Andrea Aebersold
，
4。5 stars - I read this in just two days and found it fascinating。 Trauma changes everything about us and affects us physically， mentally， and emotionally。 This book illuminates how it's all connected and how better understanding our brains means we can better understand what we need to heal。 4。5 stars - I read this in just two days and found it fascinating。 Trauma changes everything about us and affects us physically， mentally， and emotionally。 This book illuminates how it's all connected and how better understanding our brains means we can better understand what we need to heal。 。。。more
Roxanne Bennett
，
A very fascinating read about trauma and how deeply it affects our brains
Roxanne
，
I am honored to have seen Bruce Perry i。 Person presenting twice。 His knowledge and the stories that he combines with them make neuroscience and trauma work real and get the to the heart and soul of healing。 I pretty much highlighted the whole book。 I am grateful for his knowledge and hope to use some pieces of it to be part of the relational healing community！
Sarah A-S
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Some really useful and interesting information。 honestly， with Oprah’s track record with Dr。 Oz et al， I am initially skeptical of any scientist she elevates。 Still the framework of asking “what happened to you？” Instead of “what’s wrong with you” is an interesting one。
Greta Adams
，
Highly recommended！ Don’t say why did you do that ？ Ask What happened to you。 ？ Very interesting。 It all makes sense。 Do yourself a favor and read this book！
Archana Sharma
，
This book held a lot of potential， however， it fell short of my expectations。 I love the idea of changing the narrative from "What's wrong with you" to "What happened to you" and maybe this book might do that for some people， those who are just starting to learn about the importance of mental health。 The book begins each chapter with personal narratives， which sort of makes the content more gripping but at times it tends to get a little too technical as well。 I really liked how the authors talke This book held a lot of potential， however， it fell short of my expectations。 I love the idea of changing the narrative from "What's wrong with you" to "What happened to you" and maybe this book might do that for some people， those who are just starting to learn about the importance of mental health。 The book begins each chapter with personal narratives， which sort of makes the content more gripping but at times it tends to get a little too technical as well。 I really liked how the authors talked about trauma， and emphasizing that not just war veterans suffer from PTSD and relating issues but anyone can be affected by it depending on what they went through。 I also liked how the authors were trying to tell the reader about the importance of understanding why and how the reactions of different people is different and what it can eventually lead to， but， here again I could feel it falling short of my expectations。I was especially disappointed with the way the healing part was written。 I feel they could have talked about the coping strategies and ways to deal with the trauma in a better way。 The authors talked about finding our "natural rhythm"， surrounding ourselves with supportive people and community for the "relational rewards"， and a little bit about dealing with change and the passage of time。 However， it focuses more on the external factors and less on the internal ones。To be fair， the external factors and understanding the reasons behind our actions are definitely helpful， but I feel that knowing how to go about the next stage of healing is equally， if not more important。All in all， this book is decent read for those trying to understand where it may have all begun， which is a definite start， as well as for reminding people that they are not alone in their struggles。 。。。more
Nat
，
Interesting read。 Heavily focussed on childhood development and trauma。 I just don't know if I agree that a traumatic event that happens to a child at a younger age is more impactful than an older child。 Interesting read。 Heavily focussed on childhood development and trauma。 I just don't know if I agree that a traumatic event that happens to a child at a younger age is more impactful than an older child。 。。。more
Lexy
，
I’ve been to a lot of trainings and read a lot about childhood trauma， but this book was the best intro to trauma and trauma-informed practices that I’ve come across。 I think it will be a great resource to the families I work with。
Megan R
，
I expected this to flow easily as it is written in conversational style， but it was difficult to get through the beginning。 The experience stories from Dr。 Perry were marvelous， and there were not enough of them。 If you work with a special needs or pediatric population （as a parent？） in any way: this is an essential resource。 I rarely read books this fresh off the press， but this one will be important as we transition out of lockdown and grapple with what happened （or didn’t） in family units for I expected this to flow easily as it is written in conversational style， but it was difficult to get through the beginning。 The experience stories from Dr。 Perry were marvelous， and there were not enough of them。 If you work with a special needs or pediatric population （as a parent？） in any way: this is an essential resource。 I rarely read books this fresh off the press， but this one will be important as we transition out of lockdown and grapple with what happened （or didn’t） in family units for the past 1。5 years。 It is a timely conversation about adversity and trauma; we can reflect， grow from the experience， and become a more empathetic society。。。？ Fingers crossed！ *Regulate， relate， and reason*“How can our society move toward a more humane， socially just， creative， and productive future without confronting our collective historical trauma？” 。。。more
Scott Wild
，
This book is a game changer。。。it needs to be read by everyone that interacts with others。。。so pretty much everyone。
BK
，
WOW。 I’ve been referencing so many parts of this book in everyday conversation since the moment I started reading it， and cannot recommend it highly enough。 If you were one of the lucky few to have a joyous childhood - well， lucky you。 If you weren’t， or if you even vaguely suspect that some interaction or event has been haunting you all your life， then read this book。 I will not look at myself or overall shitty people the same way again。
Nina
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There was a lot to unpack here。 I actually want to go back and read this in "real book" format， so I can study the diagrams。 They were too hard to read on my Kindle screen。 I didn't think Oprah added much， but her name on the book got it into the mainstream， so that is probably a good thing。 I'd recommend this for anyone who has experienced trauma in their life， as it helps explain how your brain deals with it。 I learned some things about myself while reading this。 There was a lot to unpack here。 I actually want to go back and read this in "real book" format， so I can study the diagrams。 They were too hard to read on my Kindle screen。 I didn't think Oprah added much， but her name on the book got it into the mainstream， so that is probably a good thing。 I'd recommend this for anyone who has experienced trauma in their life， as it helps explain how your brain deals with it。 I learned some things about myself while reading this。 。。。more
K
，
I have spent years working with children， teens， and young adults who have been identified as having 'emotional/behavioral disorders。' Most of them had experienced events that could be characterized as traumatic， but the vast majority did not meet the diagnostic criteria for Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder （PTSD）。 Instead， they were often given the labels described in this book （Attention-Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder， Oppositional/Defiant Disorder， Conduct Disorder， etc。） As I tried to provide I have spent years working with children， teens， and young adults who have been identified as having 'emotional/behavioral disorders。' Most of them had experienced events that could be characterized as traumatic， but the vast majority did not meet the diagnostic criteria for Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder （PTSD）。 Instead， they were often given the labels described in this book （Attention-Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder， Oppositional/Defiant Disorder， Conduct Disorder， etc。） As I tried to provide my students with a warm and consistent environment， it so often felt like 'one step forward， two steps back。' There was obviously something going on at deeper level; something that made it difficult for them to stay on a path towards healing and success。 Unfortunately， although I had studied for many years to prepare me for this work， I didn't have the tools or even the words to describe the processes behind their difficulties。 This book， co-written by child psychiatrist and neuroscientist Dr。 Bruce D。 Perry and Oprah Winfrey， changed that。 I truly wish I had access to this framework twenty years ago。The model described in this book is the Neurosequential Model of brain development。 Basically， the model describes how the brain develops from the lower part of the brain， the brainstem， to the higher parts， including the limbic system and the cortex。 Because of this， stress or trauma that happens very early in a child’s life is likely to have a greater impact than events that occur later。 Thus， when implementing a therapeutic intervention， the part of the brain that may be affected is considered。 The authors use the example of a seven-year-old girl that had a very long history of adversity and lack of positive human interactions。 Her adoptive parents， therapists， and teachers were completely overwhelmed by her behaviors。 She had a team of occupational and physical therapists， mental health professionals， and physicians involved in her care with minimal progress。 They were seeing her as a seven-year-old， developmentally。 It was only after a Neurosequential Model was implemented that she began to experience progress， and after a few years of treatment she was able to be in a mainstream classroom， had friends， and engaged in positive activities。 In addition to changing the narrative from “What is wrong with you？” to “What happened to you？”， the importance of mitigating factors such as predictable， positive relationships in developing resilience is described in detail。 The idea that the brain has neuroplasticity， the ability to repair itself and form new connections， is emphasized。 There are many success stories described in this book that had me weeping with joy。 I also greatly appreciate the way the authors emphasized the extreme importance of community and positive social supports that are needed for healing。 They remind us that people don’t heal working one on one with a therapist; most of the healing takes place within nurturing， positive human relationships within a supportive community。 As the African proverb says， 'It takes a village to raise a child。' This book and the accompanying research on brain development vividly demonstrates the veracity of that statement。 I see this book as timely and important; the ideas expressed could serve to change the way we look at our health systems， correctional institutions， schools， and community supports。 I recommend it to everyone。 。。。more
Cecilia Cano
，
Un gran libro。 Un buen acercamiento a lo que es trauma， está explicado en un lenguaje para todes。 Me gusta que tiene reflexiones acerca de un gran tema actual， que es el COVID-19。 Es material valioso para ver con otros ojos el trauma， para replantearnos de dónde venimos y porqué hacemos lo que hacemos。 Es una gran herramienta para informarse， aprender， actualizarse y verse a uno mismo。 El título del libro resume todo， no centrarse en etiquetas， diagnósticos， en interpretaciones de pruebas。 Vale Un gran libro。 Un buen acercamiento a lo que es trauma， está explicado en un lenguaje para todes。 Me gusta que tiene reflexiones acerca de un gran tema actual， que es el COVID-19。 Es material valioso para ver con otros ojos el trauma， para replantearnos de dónde venimos y porqué hacemos lo que hacemos。 Es una gran herramienta para informarse， aprender， actualizarse y verse a uno mismo。 El título del libro resume todo， no centrarse en etiquetas， diagnósticos， en interpretaciones de pruebas。 Vale mas el conocer la historia de cada individuo， su historia generacional， cultura， creencias y valores。 La resiliencia y empatía surgen después del trauma， las relaciones Sabas humanas son el corazón de la salud， el equilibrio。 No me cabe aquí todo lo que quiero decir pero disfruté mucho las historias de casos del Dr。 Perry y la historia de Oprah que complementa lo complementa muy bien。 。。。more
Kate Walters
，
Hands down one of the best books I've read， or in this case， listened to。 ❤️ Hands down one of the best books I've read， or in this case， listened to。 ❤️ 。。。more
Amy
，
If you see me in the next couple of months - I will 💯 recommend this book to you。
Amanda
，
5+ Read this book。 Then， read it again。 Keep reading it until it influences the way you see and interact with others。 Should be required reading。
Marion
，
Truly excellent book。 This was very readable and approachable。 Dr。 Perry and Oprah’s conversational approach is an excellent one for teaching about trauma， neuro-development， and trauma care。 I also appreciate the way Dr。 Perry applies this approach to system issues of racism。
Nora
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Muy interesante， cursi a ratitos。 Sí lloré。
Leanne Hale
，
4。5 stars。 I have long been fascinated by brain science， and how much of our thoughts and behaviors are influenced by things going on on the cellular level。 Trauma in particular， even trauma we can't remember， is particularly fascinating。 This is an excellent book for anyone interested in this topic。 Told in conversation style with Dr。 Bruce Perry， an expert in the field， and Oprah Winfrey， a layperson， it's a great book for other laypeople who are interested and invested in this topic。 I would 4。5 stars。 I have long been fascinated by brain science， and how much of our thoughts and behaviors are influenced by things going on on the cellular level。 Trauma in particular， even trauma we can't remember， is particularly fascinating。 This is an excellent book for anyone interested in this topic。 Told in conversation style with Dr。 Bruce Perry， an expert in the field， and Oprah Winfrey， a layperson， it's a great book for other laypeople who are interested and invested in this topic。 I would strongly recommend it for educators at every level and especially classroom teachers。 It could also be a game changer for the many of us who experienced any kind of trauma， loss， or chaos as children。 It explains so much。 。。。more
Juliet the Book Slayer
，
I believe this will be a life changing read for many。
Elizabeth Ray
，
This was a really beautiful book about having empathy for each other and the importance of connectedness。 As well as many truths about trauma。 Very good
Nikita （thebookelf_）
，